Question by Sasha Rayan: How should I handle the lack of support for my wedding?
Hi, I need some advice about how to proceed to plan my wedding. My fiance and I got engaged june last year. We have been together for 8 years, though never lived together and dont have kids either. Both our families reactions leave alot to be desired. The wedding is supposed to be in Nov this year.
My problem is that his parents overstep the boundaries and order things without me even seeing it first ( i.e. venue, invitations) even though they hand us the bill. They are of the ‘get it over and done with’ mindset. I cancelled those things which they ordered because it was too expensive and the designs of the wedding invitation (colour and wording) was totally different to my taste. On the other hand my parents and siblings have no interest at all. Everything seems to turn into an argument. No one has offered and congratulations, help (practical, advise or financial). My family still havent confirmed that they would take the day off work yet. (we are having a friday wedding as venue hire cost is cheaper on weekday)Each set of parents seem determined to prove that the other set should shoulder the financial responsibility.
We then made it clear that we will pay for everything ourselves. However my family is still complaining about their cost eg. buying a suit or new outfit to wear to it and petrol travel cost on the day. My parents keep wanting me to sacrifice on everything (eg I should not have a photographer or videographer, or flowers.)
Lately they’ve been pressuring me to call off the wedding and cancel reception, and just get registered. My mum has been extremely disinterested, and has not asked once how anything is going. I’ve gone dress shopping alone with my partner. If I bring it up, my mum says she’s too busy and says that having a wedding is a waste and that it is affecting her retirement.
i feel quite stressed cos I feel no one cares or is happy for me.
My question is: I feel hurt and isolated I suppose, and I am struggling with how to include our parents on our wedding day? How would I make sure these arguments dont surface on the day? Should I exclude them? I just want to be happy on my wedding day, and I want anyone present at our wedding to be happy for us as a couple as well.
N.B. My parents approve of my fiance, they just dont think i deserve a nice wedding.
Best answer:
Answer by seamstress
The solution to your problem is simple.
Make your own wedding plans just the way you want them and can afford them. Send invitations to those you want to invite.
Keep all of your wedding plans from all of them. Do not share anything with them. If they ask, just have a standard answer “You will see on our wedding day”. If they are not planning on attending, then tell them you will share photo so they can see after the wedding is over.
Understand that by going to them and expecting them to be happy or give good advise, financial or otherwise, you are opening yourself up for disappointment and the rejection you feel. Do not do that to yourself. This is a happy time for you and by communicating with them, they are raining on your parade, because you let them. Stop that. Keep your plans totally private so they cannot pick apart what you are doing. That is the ONLY way you can protect yourself from their negativity.
Now, get going, you have a lovely wedding to plan.
Add your own answer in the comments!